Wednesday, 9 December 2009
13.11
You bore me. You're an idiot. I find your life tedious and worthless. It makes me sick to my stomach to think i once cared about your pathetic, spastic existence. Your stupidity is so far into the realms of ridiculousness that just being alive is in effect, torture for those that live and breath with an ounce of intelligence or purpose. You are 'lol !!!!!!! ing' yourself into an early grave. GOOD.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
10.52
Recently i have become more disgusted by, and generally more intolerant of the human race than ever. This is all the stuff that's annoying me at the moment.
A large proportion is fuelled by students, I don't know whether Bournemouth Uni hand pick a collection of the worst beings possible or it's just fate that they insist on coming here and ruining my life. I can't decide when exactly they reach their peak, house parties, when a group of fresher girls will stand (in your way), and even though they probably don't know anyone there apart from each other will totter about in their hideous new look kitten heels basically being the biggest arseholes they can, scoping out possible make out material by either A. making as much noise as possible to attract the most attention or B. find the most penis filled room and proceed to dance on each other like rohpynol filled toddlers, which only makes you look like a spastic slut but everyone knows dancing at house parties is weird and socially unacceptable. So it's either that or standing outside my window at 4am having a who's the biggest twat competition in which they all win.
Along side the above behaviour, and i would say a serious runner up for the most wanker behaviour is the sleazy club guy who almost definitely has a poor unsuspecting girlfriend at home, but i don't feel sorry for her because it's her own fault for going out with such a hideous being. Usually they operate by either being rude to you at the bar, but saying AYEEEEE afterwards which by the way, is the stupidest noise a person can make and is the least impressive sound to exist, or grabbing either your arm, or arse, as you walk past. Both are as bad as each other, if said male is an arm grabber he's probably going to be persistent and possibly grow up to be an abusive husband, neither of which are ideal, If he's an arse grabber although he's probably going to mostly harmless and the only reasons he's done that is cause he's a stupider breed of pervert and can't think of anything to say so hopes the action will ooze with pure masculinity, it's still an unacceptable level of violation. Disgusting. Getting past either of these stages is where the real problem starts, once actual conversation begins you can basically decide how much of a pripper this guy is within 30 seconds, it's a given that the first question will be about uni, which is a boring a tiresome subject and no one cares which course you're on, because you finish you will end up working in tescos or homebase anyway.
I am also finding facebook really annoying at the moment, i actually find it genuinely hideous when people openly advertise their lives via status updates. For example, the break-up moaner, 'doesn't understand why :(, so empty', i can tell you why, because you're an annoying spastic who doesn't know when to shut up. Or the general moaner 'is having such a bad day, might go home and kill my self', followed by equally annoying friends 'omg u ok hun xxxxx'. Yes their obviously fine because if they had genuine problems they'd be actually be hanging from a noose not sat at their computer refreshing their home page. Even worse is relationship advertisers, 4000 pictures of you kissing your other half from various angles isn't a pleasure for any one's eyes but yours, and when you break up, which you inevitably will because you're so annoying, said pictures just make you look like a desperate moose. It is both unnecessary and offensive that you would even imagine anybody cares enough to go to all that effort.
That's it for now, moaning is great.
A large proportion is fuelled by students, I don't know whether Bournemouth Uni hand pick a collection of the worst beings possible or it's just fate that they insist on coming here and ruining my life. I can't decide when exactly they reach their peak, house parties, when a group of fresher girls will stand (in your way), and even though they probably don't know anyone there apart from each other will totter about in their hideous new look kitten heels basically being the biggest arseholes they can, scoping out possible make out material by either A. making as much noise as possible to attract the most attention or B. find the most penis filled room and proceed to dance on each other like rohpynol filled toddlers, which only makes you look like a spastic slut but everyone knows dancing at house parties is weird and socially unacceptable. So it's either that or standing outside my window at 4am having a who's the biggest twat competition in which they all win.
Along side the above behaviour, and i would say a serious runner up for the most wanker behaviour is the sleazy club guy who almost definitely has a poor unsuspecting girlfriend at home, but i don't feel sorry for her because it's her own fault for going out with such a hideous being. Usually they operate by either being rude to you at the bar, but saying AYEEEEE afterwards which by the way, is the stupidest noise a person can make and is the least impressive sound to exist, or grabbing either your arm, or arse, as you walk past. Both are as bad as each other, if said male is an arm grabber he's probably going to be persistent and possibly grow up to be an abusive husband, neither of which are ideal, If he's an arse grabber although he's probably going to mostly harmless and the only reasons he's done that is cause he's a stupider breed of pervert and can't think of anything to say so hopes the action will ooze with pure masculinity, it's still an unacceptable level of violation. Disgusting. Getting past either of these stages is where the real problem starts, once actual conversation begins you can basically decide how much of a pripper this guy is within 30 seconds, it's a given that the first question will be about uni, which is a boring a tiresome subject and no one cares which course you're on, because you finish you will end up working in tescos or homebase anyway.
I am also finding facebook really annoying at the moment, i actually find it genuinely hideous when people openly advertise their lives via status updates. For example, the break-up moaner, 'doesn't understand why :(, so empty', i can tell you why, because you're an annoying spastic who doesn't know when to shut up. Or the general moaner 'is having such a bad day, might go home and kill my self', followed by equally annoying friends 'omg u ok hun xxxxx'. Yes their obviously fine because if they had genuine problems they'd be actually be hanging from a noose not sat at their computer refreshing their home page. Even worse is relationship advertisers, 4000 pictures of you kissing your other half from various angles isn't a pleasure for any one's eyes but yours, and when you break up, which you inevitably will because you're so annoying, said pictures just make you look like a desperate moose. It is both unnecessary and offensive that you would even imagine anybody cares enough to go to all that effort.
That's it for now, moaning is great.
Monday, 9 November 2009
crack is very moreish
So i forgot to write in this for ages. naughty Nigel.
I have a new job working for Pretty Green / Chillifsh and it's really really great, I can't decide whether it's been beneficial or not to finally have a job which requires the use of brain power. I was hoping it would fine tune me into an absolute genius but i'm not used to actually having to use any, so recently i have lost all ability of basic functions and have generally been acting like a total spastic 80% of the time which is embarrassing and unnecessary (people have started to notice)
On Saturday it was the Pretty Green A/W collection launch in Kensington. I am not good at and shouldn't be allowed to try and schmooze with celebrities. On this night i chose to wear heals for the first time, I've basically never made a worse decision in my life. I spent most of the time clinging onto Rosie's arm for dear life like some sort of manic injured pervert. She loved it though so that's alright. The favourite part of the night was Holly Willoughby calling me pet, i felt like i was in eastenders. I think someone from Eastenders might of been there, or maybe they just had that look about them. Either way i wish i had taken an autograph book with me, or remembered to use my camera which was nothing more than a shiny little love box after the amount of champagne and margaritas we had consumed. I was also really pleased to find out that most of the famous females there weren't actually total beanpoles and comparatively we looked like a dream team of babe stations (not really but it could of been worse).
Anyway a good night out was seriously welcome after how dire Bournemouth has become, it's kind of an 'it's so bad it's funny' situation, but it's only funny when you're seriously fucked and then by the end of the night you realise you've just spent the night with a bunch of wankers who take themselves way too seriously. I am still totally baffled as to wear this horrid i'm at art school slash i used to be a bit of a pikey and now i think i'm awesome hybrid came from but it makes me want to end lives.
Pg party :
Lou the fox's peni, me, ole' rozza & keeks
I need caffeine!
I have a new job working for Pretty Green / Chillifsh and it's really really great, I can't decide whether it's been beneficial or not to finally have a job which requires the use of brain power. I was hoping it would fine tune me into an absolute genius but i'm not used to actually having to use any, so recently i have lost all ability of basic functions and have generally been acting like a total spastic 80% of the time which is embarrassing and unnecessary (people have started to notice)
On Saturday it was the Pretty Green A/W collection launch in Kensington. I am not good at and shouldn't be allowed to try and schmooze with celebrities. On this night i chose to wear heals for the first time, I've basically never made a worse decision in my life. I spent most of the time clinging onto Rosie's arm for dear life like some sort of manic injured pervert. She loved it though so that's alright. The favourite part of the night was Holly Willoughby calling me pet, i felt like i was in eastenders. I think someone from Eastenders might of been there, or maybe they just had that look about them. Either way i wish i had taken an autograph book with me, or remembered to use my camera which was nothing more than a shiny little love box after the amount of champagne and margaritas we had consumed. I was also really pleased to find out that most of the famous females there weren't actually total beanpoles and comparatively we looked like a dream team of babe stations (not really but it could of been worse).
Anyway a good night out was seriously welcome after how dire Bournemouth has become, it's kind of an 'it's so bad it's funny' situation, but it's only funny when you're seriously fucked and then by the end of the night you realise you've just spent the night with a bunch of wankers who take themselves way too seriously. I am still totally baffled as to wear this horrid i'm at art school slash i used to be a bit of a pikey and now i think i'm awesome hybrid came from but it makes me want to end lives.
Pg party :
Lou the fox's peni, me, ole' rozza & keeks
I need caffeine!
Friday, 31 July 2009
04.58
I'm having the obligatory 4.27am life think. In bed, watching Katy Perry being annoying.
Although it's been so much fun, this year has (let's be honest) been a long concession of life fails. I can't decide what my favorite so far has been, allowing that it's only August 1st i'm sure i'll be graced with many more. Could it be quitting 4 jobs? Owning a gold car? Having a string of ridiculous romantic attachments? I'll let you be the judge.
So i've come to a cross roads. Do i finally decide to take charge of my life, or do i just fuck around until next September. Probably just fuck around till next September, the thought of actually having to take anything seriously scares/bores me to tears. Independence is so horribly over-rated, i wish more than anything that i was 12 again, eating everyone's sandwiches, destined to be forever virginal.
50 cent just came on the TV. Is he not dead?
Procrastination has been a constant and valuable source of entertainment for me recently, so content with my own demented thoughts. My taxi driver this evening was actually humouring me as though i was just another stupid drunk twat inanely rambling. Hadn't had a single drink. I sometimes wonder whether this is what ACTUAL dementia is like, just sat here smiling to my self like a retarded cheshire cat thinking and speaking about nothing of any importance or worth, finding life hilarious. I hope so, i can't wait to be an old bed wetter. I'm not making funsies of dementia, that's a genuine statement.
I had swine flu last week it was the worst experience of my life, however i am a survivor so i won't complain too much. I do love complaining though. Right now i can only explain my voice to be a hybrid between Pat Butcher circa '03 & Rolf Harris on some sort of drug. Laughing sounds like crying, breathing sounds like shouting, P's & T's sound the same, i'm in hell. Not atall helped by the age old foreign man argument. I think i probably go through this aleast once every 10 minutes at work, blankly ordering a 'BEEERE' or vodka (no mixer? nope?) then looking at me like I'M the retard after the pain staking 3 minute argument of the importance of ordering a real drink and not just non-descript liquid in a glass.
Oh god, there's no one on facebook chat. My life's hit an absolute all time low. Do i go to sleep or do i go on neopets? probably neopets so i can incessantly send Lauren hillarious texts about 'chuffer bob the meerca' until she wakes up and comes to my room and slaps me. Sorry Lauren.
Saturday, 4 July 2009
10 54
So i've not written in this for ages but i'm thinking i might aswell start again so i have a hobby after the impending doom of being sacked happens.
I am really cross about the fact that i am most likely going to be sacked, i am 90% certain i had my drink spiked on thursday and i'm still suffering the consequences. So that's why i can't go in to work, it's not that i didn't attempt it, i actually did try but i was pretty much crawling through the isles of Tesco express desperately searching for any form as asprin and threw a massive sick one as soon as i got in the car. More and more i am realizing that I'm just one of those people who wasn't built to work for a living. Now i have one of 3 options, 1. live at home in my room for the rest of my life spending my days searching internet dating sites for someone equally as pathetic as me to have an e-relationship with. 2, somehow become impregnated and sponge off the government. 3, convince someone rich to marry me. Currently i find option 1 the most appealing as my hatred for 95% of humanity grows ever stronger.
I just found a really good postsecret that depicts how i currently feel perfectly, but i don't know how to imgsrc a mac, i really hate macs.
Friday, 17 April 2009
12 09
This week has mostly been about procrastination and self torture. I have successfully managed to only spend £3 because i spent the whole time thinking it was 3 weeks till payday, it's actually only one. I am cross about this, because it's been the most boring 4 days of my life and I've been really hungry since Tuesday.
My bedtime OCD is going mental, possibly due to a lack of people contact, I'm 70% socially inept and fear i may actually be turning ferrell. Currently i have to get out of bed at least another 3 or 4 times after I've decided it's bed time. It's really REALLY annoying and as a result I'm drinking at least 5 cups of coffee a day because I'm so sleepy, which is shredding my nerves and the death of a co-worker is imminent. My first target is the new guy who continues to torture me with his stupidity on a daily basis. It's not so much his stupidity that infuriates me, but his audacity to boss me around. I refuse to be given orders by a man who actually said, and this is a direct quote (at 9am) "it's lunch time in Sweden now".. "no, it isn't".. "yes it is, it's mid day in Europe". LEARN YOUR TIME ZONES BEFORE YOU SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
So much stuff is annoying me at the moment, i think it's because i have too much time to think. The thing annoying me most at the moment is the lack of good house parties, and meeting so many people with massive superiority complexes. Lets be serious, where did this elitism come from? being a pretentious wanker might be helping to get you laid right now but in ten years you will be alone with only your sketch books for company. GOOD.
Also really pissing me off, the word 'stoked' and people who call tattoos ink.
Totally need to stop moaning about everything, i remind myself of when i was 17 and h8in lyf. I think this weekend will be pretty sweet, it's Harry's birthday on Saturday so i recon he's gonna be toilet hugging by 1am. Nothing but love for birthday weekendss <3 !
My bedtime OCD is going mental, possibly due to a lack of people contact, I'm 70% socially inept and fear i may actually be turning ferrell. Currently i have to get out of bed at least another 3 or 4 times after I've decided it's bed time. It's really REALLY annoying and as a result I'm drinking at least 5 cups of coffee a day because I'm so sleepy, which is shredding my nerves and the death of a co-worker is imminent. My first target is the new guy who continues to torture me with his stupidity on a daily basis. It's not so much his stupidity that infuriates me, but his audacity to boss me around. I refuse to be given orders by a man who actually said, and this is a direct quote (at 9am) "it's lunch time in Sweden now".. "no, it isn't".. "yes it is, it's mid day in Europe". LEARN YOUR TIME ZONES BEFORE YOU SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
So much stuff is annoying me at the moment, i think it's because i have too much time to think. The thing annoying me most at the moment is the lack of good house parties, and meeting so many people with massive superiority complexes. Lets be serious, where did this elitism come from? being a pretentious wanker might be helping to get you laid right now but in ten years you will be alone with only your sketch books for company. GOOD.
Also really pissing me off, the word 'stoked' and people who call tattoos ink.
Totally need to stop moaning about everything, i remind myself of when i was 17 and h8in lyf. I think this weekend will be pretty sweet, it's Harry's birthday on Saturday so i recon he's gonna be toilet hugging by 1am. Nothing but love for birthday weekendss <3 !
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